biabia (:

i’m giving PSC a miss. hell, that i actually spent a week on that. it made sense, i mean i was just applying for the sake of applying. not that like i’m dying to be a civil servant. they wont want me for being so unenthusiastic about public service. i should just go focus on what i need and plan ahead ahead, hmm. thanks to miss lim, i am thinking better and more clearly. i mean my mind was in a whirl. i dunno what exactly to do and what kind of short cuts to look out for. at least now i am giving quality thought, rather than feeling everything in darkness.

it was great going back to hwachong, stoning at my place on the class bench, eating the one-dollar-hotdog-bread, visiting miss lim… it reminds me of how much i actually loved a school, my comfort zone, my aspirations… ahh, in short, i miss school. life without obligation sucks. i never thought i would desire for an unquestionable responsibility. urgh

just completed an essay for jingfeng, goodness, he is so gonna owe me a treat. i never dreamt of writing an essay for my friend. am rather surprised that i agreed to help. i would like gone like “huh, but it is your essay, how could i do it for you? blah blah..” but he is a poor chap. think those cj kids all are. with common test next week, spa this week, and a nonsense essay to complete for an external organisation. oh wellllll.

0133h looks rather late. goodness, i’ve got work at 12 tmr, ahh.

i’ve finally got that essay done. (: sylvia, essays aren’t that scary, you can smack them down very easily. (: go on and whack the rest. (:

omgs, i need a life. i am so unoccupied that my mind gets distracted and loses focus. will results come soon so that i will get over the moon or cry my eyeballs out. this stage is so painful.

mayday, close up. here i come <3

i am opening a can of worms. will someone gobble them up to save me from the fright?

stop making me dream of odd stuff, please.

goodness gracious! the last time i blogged was 23 January, a good one month ago. i feel like i’m wasting my life away man. these days, i wake up just to go to work, giving moments with The Straits Times a miss, being myopic towards my messy room, being completely ignorant to what’s happening to my family members… in short, life has been quite screwed. i simply lost control of time, habits and system. it is not that i do not have things to do. in fact, i have many essays to complete but i am not working on them at all! i already have my PSC essay planned but am procrastinating due to the dread of writing. all these suck, seriously. to be unmotivated, lazy, apprehensive; all part of losing self-esteem. it was great to visit huangcheng, cos it reminded me that i was after once capable of taking up responsibilities and enthusiastic of being a high flyer. now i understand the importance of schooling, it forces you to work your body and brain and keep them from rusting.

my next schedule for work is quite pathetic. think it’s time to write in for internships and to chiong tuitions. else i will have to eat into my eighteen-year-savings, which is rather bad, lol.

i dreamt of getting my results last night and guess what? “MATHEMATICS – B”. WTH?! #$)%$#!@#! i think i will cry if i get B for maths, which is the only subject that i’m confident of. anyway, the printing quality of the results slip was poor, so i cannot remember my “grades” clearly, they should be like ABCC, ZZZ, don’t think i can go anywhere with that. this is so freaking me out, lol.

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