biabia (:

玉ed.

Exams. No computer. No internet. No facebook. Life was boring.

After exams. Computer. Internet. Facebook. Life is still boring.

Work work work. Zillions of CCA. Lovely FYP waiting for me. More non-school work. Heaps of dust in my room waiting to be cleared. Zero motivation. Infinite inertia.

At the end of the day, the reason for all these nua-ness, is cos I don’t know what I want. The chase for all these endless acheivements, status, fame, money, enjoyment, they really mean nothing in the end. Do I really want time off to soak into quietness, zen and more wise teachings? Or just that I lost the fighting spirit and the search for noble truths is just an excuse?

Humans are really unpredictable.

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18 dec fri

Watched this episode of “Stars for Cause/明星志工队” featuring Pei Fen. Kenneth wrote something on it previously.?

Over these 4 months, I’m supposed to draw out my 5 year plan. My career goals. But after 4 months, I’m still down with nothing. I think partly, I’m really caught in the choice of profit VS non-profit. Recently, I’ve been brooding over my CV, my internship. What to do to impress my interviewers. How can I gain that professional image. What can I do to make up for the lack of experience in working in offices. However, you dont really see me doing much about it actually. There’s this inertia to get such things done.

I guess after this episode, I realised that i’m most comfortable with dealing with non-profit actually. The rat race is just so hard and tough. Seems like the competition to shine is never ending. At the end of the day, we just need to be heros in our own way. And not heros of your department. Not heros of your company. Maybe just the hero of a friend. of your own family. To experience the simplist things in life. To know you gave your best to your parents, your children. To know you did your part for the society, to share your love and blessings to others like what Pei Fen did.

I was just very right when I said that nearing my retirement I want to work in NPOs. But before that, how should I motivate myself to learn and perform as much as?I can in the profit world and yet not feel sad about it?

Even after being away from home for 4 months, my take on life just seems stronger. and not waning.?I just want to go back to a place where I dont have to worry about my survival. Like in all these coldness. And i’m at peace with myself. And where I know the opportunities are all there for me to do what I enjoy doing.

How did I lose it all? In just 4 months.

17 nov, tues

Discovered how my strength actually attracted my weakness. It’s rather intriguing. Not strength being my weakness but rather how it attracts situations that show my weakness. Good thing that I’m learning to deal with it (: and it’s a new thing to share about in interviews! haha

15 nov, sun

Seems like i’m getting less open-minded. or was it really fine to feel uneasy. why why why. it’s never easy. this life is never easy. never ever. when will i get that big big heart of magnanimity?

13 Nov, Friday

Silvia was sharing with me how she enjoyed classes in CBS cos it’s so different from learning in Italy. It’s more interactive and fun over here. Well, I can’t deny that students here talk more than those at home. But for me, it isn’t that much of a wow-er as compared to for Silvia.

Struck me like how people can be drawn to better opportunities out there, when they realise where they are now cannot give them what they want. It is most obvious in jobs, in migration, and here in education. Same applies for family and life I guess. If we don’t build a proper home, nice comfortable, healthy, happy shelter for our family, they will yearn be in others, they want to leave and they will, at the end of the day.

7 nov, Sat

Still thankful that it happened. Cos I took away so much more (:

6 nov, Fri

Miss facilitating. Haven’t been doing it for so long that I forgot I’m able to do it and I should do it everywhere and anywhere. It’s a life skill that I gained from volunteering that I should spread it to the rest of my life and friends. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel disappointed with myself that I didn’t think about it from the start. Instead, it was very refreshing to get in touch with this habit after a long long time (: Makes me feel really good about myself, because I know that every moment, I’m making a difference, for the better. Not just for myself, but for others. I guess now I’m more stable and settled with my life here, have more energy to resume other things that I usually do back at home. (: A really really pleasant re-discovery of myself.

4 November, Wednesday

Why did I see so much emptiness in the mess of chaos? I felt so so disgusted at that sight. Is that what I wanted to learn from this trip? Fly 8000 miles, to where I thought I could learn more about life, about myself, but instead to see all the ugliness on earth?