biabia (:

ZOMGGGGGGGGG i’m getting SO EXCITED OVER YV. THIS IS DAMN IRRITATING! I want to know everything that has happened! I want to feel the hype, the rush of emotions, the feeling of high-ness, the great sense of achievement, the super proud feeling of yourself and your friends, your awe at the enormity of this entire camp, the vast number of things you learn about life zomg there is just SO MUCH SO MUCH. i want to feel together with all my awesome friends. but HRM paper is stopping me ): and so is the huge 100 000 miles distance between all of us.

I miss our #1 tfs. our #1 dance. all the learning experiences i went through. all these life long friends that i made and met. at this very special camp. that has a very special place in my heart. I wish I was there. to share all the hardships and joy. All the long tearful nights. Would I be able to relive all these again?

Times like these, i really miss home. with this cruel HRM paper racing towards me. I wish i could put down all these hurdles and fears, to run back into my safe warm home, surrounded with my beloved family and great friends.

A few days ago, I was still in disbelief that I was flying away in a week’s time. It seemed like rather surreal that it was coming.

Just this morning, I felt the scary vibes. Holy shit, I am flying in just 5 days. 5 days is so damn freaking short. I realised, all of a sudden, I haven’t met up properly with my good friends. I haven’t met RV friends properly. Only had this short prata supper with Kiats and WX. Short meet up with 2A. Didn’t even meet XYZ. Didnt meet Huang Cheng mates. Ha, man, now I regret not planning my holidays properly. It always happens.

Well, at least I didn’t let myself down in some aspects. I met 71 quite often. (: Times with the class are horribly enjoyable. From the dim sum buffet, gged class outing, taiwan trip discussion, MAMBO NITE, xlb buffet and Timbre. Man we met up so many times this summer! I won’t forget how Yuming rejected my request to join?the “male moment”, haha. We’ll go to Mt?Sophia or Art House when I am back!!!?Zeqi, don’t forget to plan Maria’s birthday!!!?I trust you with this very important task! ACE and YV stuff were done. Kept in touch with my volunteer friends.

Tonight’s meeting was the last YV 09 meeting I could attend. Our Book is almost done, just a little touching up left. I was in shock that it was my last meeting, actually. That’s why I couldn’t share all that I wanted to share with the comm just now. When YV08 ended, I told myself, I would only go back to YV if it doesn’t change. It is still the same old traditional YV, focusing on social service, training, grooming and growing students to make a difference in the society. Where we don’t use extravagent methods, nor imba physiological mapping to win the participants. Where we win their hearts using our hearts, and make them share the same feelings as we do, join our friendship that would last you a lifetime. If it were to change, I thought, I won’t come back.

Afterall, I still did. Change is inevitable. But at?least, the main structure of YV remained. YV08 was another impactful year, when I got to be a TF again. Got to bond with our awesome #1 TFs. Witness YV grow big with more participants. It made me feel so much better about life after that ugly half a year in NTU. That energiser turned Sylvia on full batt.?I told myself, I must come back to YV every year until I graduate from NBS.

It wasn’t easy to decide on going for exchange.?Besides issues on money, academic workload, specialisation, exposure etc, I was worried about my involvement in YV. Of?course, everyone will tell me pick going for exchange, cos it is once in a lifetime and I won’t regret it. True enough, but my attachment to YV was quite beyond what I imagined. I had a struggle to choose between being more involved in YV or to go for exchange. I choose the best of both worlds, to go for exchange and help out with YV as much as possible.

I’m very honoured to spearhead Our Book, to revamp the YV file and to revive the YV Chicken Soup, together with Nina, Hui Bin, Zhing and Kenny. About planning a YV camp, I am most comfortable and familiar with the procedures and things to be done. It was the first time I did somthing that was not concrete, with no formula to follow, with no seniors to consult. All I had was five brains and whatever creative juices we possessed. The whole process from conceptualising, to gathering materials, to compiling was enriching and different from what I used to do. I learned about working on a brand new project and my friends through a different media. Believe?I cuold have done better, the product could have been out earlier. But I guess, people have their failures at times, and for me, I was a little distracted from work. Had been swarmed with YV, preparation for the trip and meeting up with friends. I didn’t segement my time properly. I’m lucky to have gotten Our Book done and can fly off without much worries on this.

When Vick talked about how the comm should be working and the attitudes that we should carry, memories flashed back. He shared about how?I changed from a pessimist to an optimist with so much more energy to reach out to others. And he is right there, that was my life changing moment in YV. That made me so much more a better person and I hate going back to the negative self when I fell in the pool at times. In 2006, I learned about proper ettiques in a committee, the positive attitudes that we should have for our fellow friends in the comm, and how to brave to wind and storm because we believe in our good cause and we want to make YV a success. At times, we keep working on YV because it is an obligation, because I need to report at the next meeting, because this other person is chasing me for this. Yes, it is tiring and tedious, I know that. But I love this perception that Siew Mui shared before. There are many things we want in life. The route would never be easy, we need to work hard to realise these dreams, overcome obstacles that stop us from realising them, resist tempatations that distract our focus. All the hardships that we, as a team, go through, would never go to waste. We create a chance for 20 TFs to learn how to manage and facilitate a group. We create a chance for 200 participants to learn and practice direct volunteering. We create a chance for countless beneficiaries and friends there to enjoy a day of our company. See the multiplier effect? It just keeps going on and on.

Tonight, I was truly re-charged. I finally got to relive in one of those memorable 2006 meetings, where I could feel from the bottom of my heart that I am doing something meaningful, in the right way,?even without witnessing the end result yet. I observed how Vick links up all the little little events to this huge chain effect. It was just amazing. Wish I could do that one day, so that I can impact my friends better, for them to climb up this positive ladder and create a better world for us. Team Yv 2009, jiayou k, the show is still on and we will do up a great one! Keep me updated on how’s everyone going!! All the best for TF camp!! (:

One last family gathering before I fly. Thank goodness, I felt that urgency this morning, haha will fully utilise my tiem tommorrow (: Gonna have a list of things that I wanna eat before I fly off!!! :D

This should be all exciting! Daniel Yeo and myself are partner buddies again. I’m working in a committee again, after sometime. It is gonna be a brand new programme to build our talent pool. My role is something I haven’t tried. We also have a couple of young potentials whom I’m glad to be able to share my experience with. Maybe I will get to feel like how I did at YV08, to feel the pure innocent burning passion from these younger ones again.

Talking to Gary Seet these days has been inspiring. Just like how Vick encouraged me in the past. (: Assuring that I really have something to share, to contribute. This is how YV keeps me going.

Before all that, I should be doing my assignments and projects ): plus INSTEP. man, I’m starting to dread school. I want to extend my break. Hokae, should take it that I’m lumping my breaks up to a whole three month pwnage HOLIDAEE.

When can I ever learn to balance it? It’s either I care much for home or am irresponsible. /:

was moved to tears while reading my previous blog posts.

the last time i cried was when i called vick at the beginning of the semester. i was struggling with all my emotions and perspective because i was too caught up with feeling unhappiness with the place, people and issues. for the past several years, i had never experienced so much disgust and had never been unable to control such intensed negative emotions about things out of my control. he reminded me that i have something extremely valuable with me. not just something, but the entire concept of living, the way to treat my friends, the postive view on things. yv gave me so many opportunities to practise this, and i had the privilege of improving myself over the past four years and counting. i should apply what i have learnt in yv, put it to good use, instead of keeping all the bad emotions to myself and not attempting to do anything to improve the situation, which isnt what yv has taught me either (:

today, i was surfing the net and randomly decided to visit my blog. i started reading from the first entry on this limsimiteh site. the whole feeling that yv came to me. the process of learning, enlightenment and growing came fluttering to me. last year had been one filled with observations of reality and humanity. jaded or touching, everything was close to my heart. it made me feel so at peace. everything was so freaking touching that i was moved to tears about what i have experienced. sylvia has proven to be a strong and sensible girl. she will pull through whatever that comes ahead of her. (:

I THINK IT WAS A BRILLANT WEEKEND!

saturday was niceeeeeee. cos yv08 endedddddddd it was awesome to meet all the awesome people again. my group was so sweet. thanks for allllll the notes. (: super appreciated. thanks to lyon’s group for the speaker-cushion! HA. a thought came to me upon reading all the letters: what exactly have i done over this december that made people feel inspired about volunteering and that they had made a pleasant friend whom they would want to keep for life. (i found the answer, credits to nina:”you may not know but it is there” – YV song II) I was so FREAKING TOUCHED that i teared a little when reading the loooong letters from them and listening to the phone call. seriously, WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE? It is totally scary that friends tell me that they have made an impact on their lives after our friendships started out for only a month. Totally, unbelievable.

our group!

Having a party with little time to plan was a bad idea. Having no budget for a party, catering to 50 people wasn’t pretty too. Marina Barrage is amazing, you can make all the noise at night. Ha. All was fun still (: Watching people play stupid games. HAHA. boxers on tracy, g-string on fahan, disgusting milkshake + saliva, sucking – from the milk bottle… HA, I hope the Vday dinner can realise man. Parties are so fun!

Guess the ingredients

John, happily sucking for a milk bottle

71 was great company! (: I miss allllll the niaoing I got from the boys. And I got it from the first moment I meet them at adams road fc. They just meng niao-ed me. Although I was losing my voice and getting ill, I was really happy to see them and be with them that night. I miss cai cai’s sexy voice, I miss maria’s wiki explanations, I miss calling “da bing ge”, I miss yumings angst, I miss paulines “xiang wo ma?”, I miss cheryls “darling”, I miss watching da sao eat xiao mi mi, I miss being enthu about being on time for lessons with elaine and mannying, I miss mitch’s gruchiness, I miss yows shyness, I miss ma’s sexy legs, I miss joannes smile, I miss hannahs: “huh?”, I miss watching foongs stone, I miss being niaoed about gary, I miss eeloongs playfulness, I miss chunruis crazy talks, I miss rebeccas blurness, I miss xiangsu’s quietness, I miss alicias long hair, I miss weixins answers, I miss yangs imba brains, I miss dennys cuteness, i miss watching ksiong sleep with his eyes open. i miss, i miss. didnt expect myself to miss hwachong, miss 71 sooooo much. life is no longer like before. ): i cant even speak to my uni friends the way i speak to 71 ): NIWAYS, I almost got dunked by yuming, mitch and bingge. lol, i forgot why i didnt get dunk, but it was damn tiring can. ha. yang’s place is a good one to dunk ppl, cos he has a washing machine AND drier at home. LOL. seriously.

And we did it, Bee, edmund goh and myself. After 5 hours of sitting at central, we got that piece of paper – the ticket to mayday’s OPEN AIR CONCERT at stadium green this coming sunday. Every year, it becomes crazier and crazier. It started off with albums, 100buck ticket, t-shirts, more albums, super ex t-shirt, album, 151buck ticket, shirt, album. And now, QUEUEING for a ticket for hours. luckily edmund went early at  6 plus. about 80 ppl were before him in the queue. those who came later were under the hot sun ): luckily they managed to get tickets too. We should had gone at 2pm. Didnt have to queue. LOL oh well, we were plain kiasu and paranoid. It was still cool being the first block to receive the tickets!

Got home and was super tired. Was so happy to be home once again cos I didnt sleep at home for 2 nights. Though, it always seemed to papa and mami that I had fun outside and I enjoy being outside, I am always truly glad to be home, safe and sound, to share with them and my brothers what happened outside, while watching the tv, dramas, eating meals, snacks. Man, school is starting and I’ve to return to where ugliness is rampant ): I need more strength to face this.

Thank goodness that results were fine. but it is no slacking time next sem. (:

I want some time alone. to think, of resolutions. of directions. to make decisions. time time time.

我有口难言。谢

没关系，我真的了解。。。

我无法想象，翻译两封信的回报竟然是意义那么重大五个字。他是费了多少力气和心思来慢慢地写那些笔挺的文字谢谢我。我也想对他说，我当时心里的感想也是有口难言。It was the second time i was on the verge of tears at attachment. There was so much human touch at those moments. Unbelievable. I’m so thankful and with all these, I will force myself to hang it there during sem 2. For now, it’s YV YV and YV (:

It was another special YV (: Why so? ‘Cause:

(1) Nina was with me. People always try to join activities and camps together with friends ‘cos they want to ensure that there is some assurance of comfort zone in a completely unfamiliar environment. But Nina, WX and myself joined YV not just because of that – we wanted to explore volunteering, we wanted to know more about what we could give; without knowing that we gained so much more. The fact that we could be in YV again together since 2005 is of great significance to me cos I managed to pull through alot with her around. I remember especially the words of encouragement in YV06, it gave me more drive to make that 4D3N exceptional for everyone at the camp then. It just felt different without the closest friends around – esp in 06, because I couldn’t share the joy with them. I grew so much in 06, but they aren’t there to witness my growth, to fix everything with me. Now I truly understand why Vick always wears that yellow vest while conducting wheelchair workshops, it is to bring as much presence of his buddy as possible while doing something that mattered to both so greatly. Since I managed to fulfil this wish of being in YV again with her, I think for now, it doesn’t matter to me whether it happens again in future. Or maybe, I will turn greedy and will only do it if we get to be involved together, shrugs. Although we didn’t get to share with each other the entire YV experience like we did in Chiangmai, suppose it still felt different with each other around. We kinda cried quite hard on the last day, lol.

(2) there was a TF camp. My first time witnessing this very important component in YV. And I’m sure the results were totally fabaluous. It’s like a omg: the #1 TFs are so close that although we got together for 6 months but it feels like I’ve known them for the last few years, just as close as other YV friends, or even closer. Ha, totally amazing, the way we go all out to help each other – discussing late at night, gathering to massage each other when we were really tired during workshops, the imba dance performance, the butt jerks, the ultimate #1 pose. I was also soooooooo freaking impressed at how some of us changed over the camp. YV is always horribly incredible in making us feel great realisation and gratefulness at the end of the camp.

(3) I’m a TF again (: I recall how fearful I was about conducting debriefs and handling participants in 05. Basically, I was not well informed about what is TF about, what is the role of a TF. Over the years, I was given opportunities to learn about facilitation and explore my own style in this. With more confidence, I wanted to make an impact participants directly once more. Honestly, I didn’t give this much thought until Xueping msged me to ask how did it feel like to be a TF again. Being part of the TF team was wonderful, and to have my group with me is another form is inspiration. My participants are like so optimistic, they face tasks and problems with utter confidence, little worry that touches me. Whenever I ponder about what YV, about volunteering, I think alot, perhaps I should try to worry less, at least it gives me more faith about making a difference.

(4) my faith was reignited. I was so sick of people for the last two months. I got to see stunningly ugly sides of human in school and hall. I was wondering if I should be so pure at heart, and to care for my friends that much. I got so shocked over how selfish people can be. I thought the togetherness, the search for bliss would cease to exist in times to come… Life was so bitter and it came around this December. I’m so freaking glad that YV and my family is with me this holidays. YV camp brought back all the memories with friends, and how these friends grew up with me. It reminded me that these friends will be true to me still, for the rest of my life. After all the highness, it was Genting with Limsimiteh. Totally awesome. Although we didn’t do much, but the feeling of hanging around with my cousins was great. It was another great reminder that no matter what happens outside, in school, at work, they won’t leave me to die, unless I did them wrong. This December is such a happy one. (: Gotta perk myself up to the brim before school starts in a while ):

Aye aye. There seems to be too much in life for me to handle. In fact, YV made me see all these inconvenient issues but yet its by-product of friendships made all these inevitable truths more bearable.

i miss this feeling of exhilaration. i remember this experience most vividly in 2006. yv used to mean something damn lot. but i guess over these few years, my passion has shaken. it is tough to make me put studies and exams aside for yv. somehow, the tradition of infinte passion and enthusiasm is not so long now. but i guess this is a test for us now. and so far, the thrill that i am getting is truly satisfying. seriously, i was on the phone with my participants and i could feel that hype. can still feel it. the hype hype hype! goodness gracious. the season of giving, sharing and learning. woohoo. i can feel it coming. this must be another enjoyable experience for yv. and another especially memorable one month ahead (: jiayou, yv will pull through again. go commies, go tfs (:

Nods filled up the awkward sliences. I’m always quite lost to what to say at such wakes as attendee. Totally clueless to what to say, what to ask, what not to ask.

However awkward it is, suppose it only feels right to be there to support.

“you have that enlighted look” -Vick Chi. LOL. that imba guy. i can feel yv cominggggggg! it’s always the season to feel the passion and hype all coming back. if only i could get to feel this every year, and feel how we are “joined at our hearts”

fantasic. (Y) I was waiting for something like this to come to push me. Previously, I was just too lag, there was neither push nor pull factor for me to utilise myself fully. It was a great opportunity for me to use my brains and heart and trigger all the systems in me. I’m proud to say that I’ve started the engine of my drive and am ready to fight all monsters laying in my way! LOL. The greatest achievement would be getting out of the negative cycle that sylvia is freaking famous for. (: I thought that at that moment, perhaps I can never jump out of that negative train of thought without Teo Chun Rui. But, bravo, sylvia did it on her own (: in less than 15 minutes! I so rock! sylvia will replicate this success infinite number of times. (Y)(Y)

Anyways, the #1s were a great company at the camp (: we are rocking it down this december.

Today, I discovered how my stereotyping and dislike for Chinese is so mean. Oops man, it really made me feel guilty. /:

Mayday is just so irresistable. <123456789
如果有一天 你对我说
你要离开我
我想 我不会强求
也不会挽留
只因为 我所能给你
最好 最美 也是最后的温柔
你会听到我对你说
我给你自由…